Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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