I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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