I got chris browned last night
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
