This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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