Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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