i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
