you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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