but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
