Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i need some magic done to my vagina
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
