I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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