Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
where are my pants?
in the oven.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
