that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
