Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
