apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
