my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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