just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
