Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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