She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize