sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
