Got a toothbrush?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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