and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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