she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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