i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
