She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
