Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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