what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
