I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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