Don't you send me to vm
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
