Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I stole a fireplace last night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
