YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
