Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize