Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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