all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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