Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
