He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
