She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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