Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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