..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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