so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize