She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
