I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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