I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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