ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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