I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
