I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize