I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
even my farts smell like vagina
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
