broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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