I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
