people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
