I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
