This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
