Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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