everyone is single if you try hard enough
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
