New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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