Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
