Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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