just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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