It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
