butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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