Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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