i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
