It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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