i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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