i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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