oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
