dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
