i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
