when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
