Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
