Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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