Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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